


If I were you

by sweet4mint



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, But in the end he will be happy lol, Cross-posted, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Masturbation in Shower, My First AO3 Post, Sad Chae Hyungwon, Two Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-25
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-07 17:42:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18238163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweet4mint/pseuds/sweet4mint
Summary: Hyungwon was good (more or less) at dealing with his feelings towards Wonho. Hiding it from the other. Till that day.





	1. If I were you it would be perfect

He didn't know when it happened. When this shitty thing called love started. When he fell in love with that annoyingly perfect human. With him, Wonho. It had just happened and even if he tried it he couldn't avoid it. In the beginning, this feeling was a killer, it killed him every day. Burnt him. But with the time he slowly got used to it. But that certain day was different. It was the second day of their shooting for the new mv that they planned to release soon. It was called Dramarama. They really enjoyed the shooting and they all worked hard to not disappoint their fans. It happened at the end of the day. They rewatched their parts, which happened to be shot on that day. When Wonho's part came, he felt his heart skip a beat. He was damn perfect. More perfect than usual. The water slowly ran down on his muscular body. His hair was wet which made him look sexier if it was even possible. It was just too much for him to handle. Or you could say it was too beautiful to handle. Of course, he saw him like that before, for example when he accidentally disturbed him while Wonho was showering. But this was completely different from that scene. It was naturally sexy and killer or how to say. But the other one, in the mv, it felt like it wasn't even real. He seemed unreachably beautiful. Maybe it was just the filter, they used, that made it look that perfect. He didn't know. The only thing was in his mind that he has to look away. It wasn't safe for his heart and for his mind, but he couldn't take his eyes off of him. His little thing between his legs also started to react to the scene. It bothered him like hell but not like he could do anything to get out of this embarrassing situation. He just tried to act normal and tried to make his reaction towards the scene not so obvious. He had hope because it seemed everyone was looking at the computer. For a moment he felt relieved. He was safe. But unfortunately, things didn't play to his hand as well as he thought. Someone was actually looking at him. And that someone was Wonho. "Are you okay?" Wonho whisperasked. Hyungwon almost jumped at his sudden question. "You look really pale" silence "and red." And then his eyes started to go lower and lower in his body. While he did that, Hyungwon's mind was going through a massive panic. He was like its good that you want to check me out, Wonho, but dear lord not now. But again there was nothing he could do. A sudden 'oh' from Wonho was more than enough for Hyungwon to know he noticed it. He wanted to cry. He knew the other must have  been already suspecting that he has a crush on him. But this made it so damn obvious. He felt sick. He needed to get away as fast as he can. He walked out of the studio with a really see-through lie, he said he needed some fresh air. He walked next to the van, waited some minutes to calm down and then he sat in. The others arrived a few minutes later. Shownu sat next to him and handed him his backpack that he left in the building. He thanked him and then pulled out his headphone to avoid all the questions from the others, who (according to Hyungwon's mind) all wanted to hear the reason why he suddenly left. He didn't know that no one wanted to bother him with his curiosity. When they arrived to their dorm, he almost jumped out of the van. He ran to his room. Jumped into his bed, hid his whole body. He thought that someone would come to check on him. But nobody came, so he got up and quickly ran into the bathroom to get a refreshing shower. To wash the thought of this day away. He hoped that nobody would ever mention it. He stood under the shower head and let the water ran down on his body. It was hot, his skin became as red as a tomato. And even though his plan was to forget about the thing that happened that day, Wonho's little bit too sexy scene started to haunt him again. And his little thing became really big and hard. He hated himself for it, but he started to play with it. For him, it was some kind of guilt at that moment. This made him feel terrible. Pleasure and Sadness. Lust and Pain. His love for Wonho was forbidden, he knew it. He cummed and he cried. His legs were weak, they gave up keeping his balance and let him fell down. The "proof" of his guilt was already gone. The one moment of happiness left with it too. The only thing that stayed was the endless pain. He cried just like a baby. He knew he must be really ugly. He thought if he was Wonho this whole story would be better. He would look beautiful and perfect even in a situation like this. He would be the perfect character for his shitty story which was his life. He also thought that he would get the one he loves in the end. Not like him. Why he has to be that fucked up... He asked himself. But who could answer this question? Nobody. He heard a light knock on the bathroom's door. "Hyungwon? Is everything alright?" It was him. Wonho. His voice was so sweet and in any other time, he would be glad to hear it but not that moment. "Y-yes" he knew the other must have noticed how his voice cracked. But he also knew that the other wouldn't do anything. He would just walk away, knowing that he needs some time alone to think. But the door slowly opened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the first part of this two shot. Originally it was an open-ended one shot, but then I wrote a second part of it.  
> I dunno whether it is good or nah. I can only say that I hope you enjoyed the story.  
> Also English is not my first language so I apologize if I made any mistakes.  
> Anyways. Love ya guys. See you next time


	2. If I were you it wouldn't be that perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungwon and Wonho deal with their feelings. Kinda.

"Well to me it doesn't seem like you are okay" said Wonho, while he came closer to the "scared" boy. Hyungwon, himself, was so surprised, he almost forgot how naked he was and how ugly he looked with those red and puffy eyes. When the realisation hit him, he covered his little thing with a sponge. Wonho only laughed at his action. He threw a towel to the other, still smiling at the boy's cuteness. He stepped closer while his expression went back to serious. "The accident. That's the problem right?"  
Hyungwon didn't say anything, so he repeated himself "Right?"  
"Maybe" silence "Yes" silence " To be honest it's only part of the problem" laughed Hyungwon akwardly. He didn't know why he was doing this. Telling about this shitty story of his. It was dangerous he knew. But somehow he felt like it doesn't matter anymore. He's already known it right? He thought. He's already known that he, Hyungwon loves him, Wonho.  
"Do you want to talk about it?" Wonho asked. He didn't want to force the other into this conversation. He can wait, he thought.  
"Once we have to talk about it" answered Hyungwon with a sigh.  
"Yeah, we have to" sat the other next to him. His clothes got wet due to his action, but he didn't mind it. To be honest in that moment, nothing mattered but Hyungwon. "So?"  
"So...uhm...I love you" it was a simple answer. Wonho expected a whole monologue, a long explaination about his painful situation and hurtful problem, but if you think about it, it explained everything. His love for Wonho was the problem. Nothing more, nothing less.  
"Wow.. that was... unexpected" the other gave him a questioning look " I mean, yeah I've found out that you are in love with me already. But I didn't expect you to say it like.. I don't know...that simply?"  
"Well I don't think you are truly interested. You don't want to sit there for... I don't know... for 30 minutes just to hear the same shit, I just said, but with more beautiful and deep words." Maybe he was a bit rude. But he wanted to get over the rejection as fast as possible.  
"It's not true. You are my band mate. You are my best friend. I truly am interested. I want to help, even if the only thing I can do is listening to you." Hyungwon looked at the other's face. He looked deep into his eyes searching for something. For a lie? He didn't know. Whatever it was he couldn't find it. His stare landed back to the floor.  
"Thank you. Really" A fake smile played on his lips. "But I have to deal with this myself. Talking is not enough anymore.There's nothing you can do" and while he said that his smile somehow became a real one. Bitter but still reassuringly sweet.  
"What if I can?" Wonho said. It was a question, but it almost sounded like a statement. As if he said 'I can help' .  
"How?" weakness, tiredness. That was all you could get from Hyungwon's voice.  
"We could try" silence "I mean dating. We could try it. Whether it is working or not. Whether we make a good couple or not." Hyungwon didn't say anything, so Wonho continued his monologue. "While we were in the van, and then at home in my dark room alone, I had time to think. Clear my mind as much as it was possible. I got to some conclusions, that even surprised me, and yet they didn't, because deep down, I was already aware of them" He was surprisingly calm. His words left his mouth like flow. "First thing that I came sense to was that you are in love with me, or if you are not, at least you have a crush on me. You can say I'm dense, but as shocking as it is I wasn't aware of your feelings till today." while Hyungwon was listening to the other, he wondered if the reason why Wonho didn't realize it was really his density or was it something else. Maybe he was simply good at hiding, right? "Then my attention turned to my own feelings and well, I have to say, I'm not in love with you yet." the air, they were surrounded by, carried the weight of his words. And with every new letter it became harder and harder to breath. But well, Hyungwon had already forgot to breath. "I realized, what I feel is stronger than a simply attraction. But It's too soon to call it love. Love's a word with huge weight and strong meaning. It's deeper than a lot of people think it is, and I haven't reached that deepness yet. I haven't reached that level." he stopped talking for a moment, maybe to recollect his thoughts. Then he continued. "My feelings might be a bit complicated, but somehow I'm sure about I have to do." his eyes were focused on Hyungwon. "I want to make you happy, to see your bright, shining smile. I want to wash your pain away. Heal your heart. Replace the darkness with light." He looked into Hyungwon's eyes who was listening to him silently. Eyes widen, heart fasten. "Hyungwon, I don't know what you are thinking. I hope" he paused for a second before taking a deep breath "I hope you can take the risk that it won't work, that we will be judged, you can deal with the fact that our relationship have to be kept in secret and will agree to give us a chance. I accept if it's too much of a risk for you, if you don't want to step on an unclear and seemingly dangerous path when it is easier to let go. But I have to know. So say, Chae Hyungwon, will you go out with me?" on the outside Wonho looked calm and cool. But on the inside he felt extremely nervous. An unknown sensation filled his body, and even if it was new and slightly bad, he knew that's a sign. A sign that he did what he really should.  
"I- I can't" Hyungwon wanted to say 'I can't think' but his mind was way too messy to even say a whole sentence.  
"I understand" Wonho smiled at the other. "I respect your decision. If I can help you anyway, let me know" He stood up and started to walk out of the room but then  
"No. You misunderstood" Hyungwon said suddenly. His voice was filled with panic. His head was still full of thoughts, doubts, ifs, but his mind wasn't in control anymore. His body moved as his heart pleased, and he followed it blankly. He stood up too and walked to the other who was already near to the door. The towel fell to the ground, exposing his smooth skin and model like body. "Yes" he breathed "I will." That's all he had to say to make the time stop. They were just looking at each other's eyes, slowly leaning in. Capturing each other's lips. Becoming one with a kiss that was as sweet as honey. And they knew that eventually everything would be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's the second part and also the end of the story. It was a long journey till I get there, to post any of my works online. I'm happy that I did. And also proud of myself. Yey  
> Anyways. I hope you enjoyed the story. Love ya guys. See you next time~


End file.
